Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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