dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
