saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
