perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she smelled like a LAN party
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
