she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
