K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize