Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
whose parrot is this?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
