I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
