hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
