I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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