were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
