Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
