the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
