I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
