yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
