A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
