so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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