I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
