I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
