I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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