yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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