pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
