Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
