I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
3 2 1 whiskey
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
