um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
