I'm eating all of the evidence.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
