Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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