Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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