rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
