My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
