i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
