too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
