so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
