Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize