Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
too bad you live with your parents still
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
