Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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