the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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