I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
this boner is exhausting
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
