I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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