Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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