and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
