Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
