just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
