I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The feeling are messing with the penis
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
