I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
