What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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