like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
