How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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