operation harelip BJ is a go
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
