the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
