she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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