I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize