I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
