New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
