whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
