6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
