Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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