i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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