at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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