I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
