Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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