I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
