How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was born a porn star she said
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Randomize
