When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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