I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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