Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And then my night got REAL pukey
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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