U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
