Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
