What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
